Learning Forgiveness...

So...I am in the midst of wedding planning. Which was stressful and overwhelming in the beginning, but now is fine. But that isn't what I want to vent about or even directly talk about.

What I want to vent about is who is in the wedding.

For some reason I apparently lost my mind and in our wedding party is the couple that we vacationed with two summers ago. The couple that didn't have the funds to pay for the vacation and didn't inform anyone of this until we were sitting in a condo on the beach.

Them.

Both in the wedding party.

Why in the world I thought this was okay is beyond me. Apparently, I'm just stupid.
The first sign that there was going to be a problem was when the guy (who I will refer to as Guy from now on) said to M in a joking way "I bet you asked me to be in the wedding party because you'll get a discount on my tux since it can be a kids size...ha ha ha ha ha!". Since you don't know him, and in case that doesn't make sense, he's small. Shorter than me, and I'm 5'2". Although he says he's 5'2" also. He's not. He probably weighs less than a hundred pounds and does shop in the kids department. M finally informed him that usually the guys pay for their own tuxes. The next comment Guy made was "You know, it's tradition that the couple gives the people in the bridal party gifts!". M said he was joking. I didn't hear him say it, so I don't know. I'll assume he was. But it doesn't annoy me any less. My matron of honor said that although it is tradition nothing says it has to be a good gift. She suggested a key chain with a photo of M and I. I think that's a marvelous idea.

The girl is in the wedding party as well (who I will refer to as Gal from now on). We went dress shopping, I tried to be sensitive to everyone's budget because everyone has their own financial problems right now, and I realize it is really close to Christmas. We found the dress, everyone liked it, we discussed everyone ordering it last week so that we could make sure it came in on time, and everyone agreed. Only Gal hasn't ordered hers yet. And it makes me want to scream. At her.

The fact is that I am still bitter over the money situation from the vacation. Angry. I'm not over it. I'm not sure I've really forgiven them. And, it's just really made me dislike them. Usually when you dislike someone you don't have to see them, or hang out with them, or anything...you can just separate yourself from them. That is not the case. They are still good friends with M, and I have to see them, and hang out with them, and it makes me roll my eyes and want to make crappy comments everytime I have to.

And I don't want to be like that.

But, the truth is that I feel like this couple didn't see the vacation issue as a big thing. I feel that in their minds it was okay how everything went down. Actually, I take that back, I think they know it was rotten because during the pay back period M only saw Guy if he ran into him some where, it it certainly appeared like they were avoiding us...I'll say because of that they knew it was wrong of them. However, now, since the money has been paid back it has all been swept under the rug and all is okay. Only it isn't. I feel that it was never really discussed because I was so seething angry I couldn't talk to them, and I know that M never passed along my true feelings. He was being the nice guy that he was and tiptoeing around it, trying not to hurt their feelings or cause problems. I never received an apology nor a thank you. It apparently also never occurred to them to ask if that trip caused me to have to pay any interest or caused me any financial problems. It was as though it was something that I should just do for them because their financial situation isn't that great. And, the truth is their financial situation isn't that great because they haven't figured out that they are now grown ass adults and they just need to get it together. I just drives me crazy when people don't try to do anything to improve their situation except whine about it, and act like a victim when in their case I know that there are several very simple things they could do to help themselves.

That is causing a problem for me because I now have two people who I don't even like in my wedding party.

And I have a fear that they are some how going to screw things up and that is going to make me so beyond furious I might punch someone in the head.

I get that it's my wedding and not theirs and therefore not the most important thing in their life right now, and I don't expect it to be. But, if you agree to be part of a wedding then I think you probably know the obligations that will follow. And agreeing means that you agree to those obligations. And if this couple screws up anything about my wedding I don't think that I will even try to hold my tongue.
So...the question is, how do I get over this and learn to like them again? Or at least tolerate them enough that I don't have to claw the palm of my hand with my fingernails to ease frustration. I don't want to constantly worry about what these two people are going to do that could potentially screw up a very important day to me. I need to let that go, and just enjoy.

I don't want to be a bitter angry person who holds grudges, and that's who I am right now.

Cheers!