Learning Forgiveness...

So...I am in the midst of wedding planning. Which was stressful and overwhelming in the beginning, but now is fine. But that isn't what I want to vent about or even directly talk about.

What I want to vent about is who is in the wedding.

For some reason I apparently lost my mind and in our wedding party is the couple that we vacationed with two summers ago. The couple that didn't have the funds to pay for the vacation and didn't inform anyone of this until we were sitting in a condo on the beach.

Them.

Both in the wedding party.

Why in the world I thought this was okay is beyond me. Apparently, I'm just stupid.
The first sign that there was going to be a problem was when the guy (who I will refer to as Guy from now on) said to M in a joking way "I bet you asked me to be in the wedding party because you'll get a discount on my tux since it can be a kids size...ha ha ha ha ha!". Since you don't know him, and in case that doesn't make sense, he's small. Shorter than me, and I'm 5'2". Although he says he's 5'2" also. He's not. He probably weighs less than a hundred pounds and does shop in the kids department. M finally informed him that usually the guys pay for their own tuxes. The next comment Guy made was "You know, it's tradition that the couple gives the people in the bridal party gifts!". M said he was joking. I didn't hear him say it, so I don't know. I'll assume he was. But it doesn't annoy me any less. My matron of honor said that although it is tradition nothing says it has to be a good gift. She suggested a key chain with a photo of M and I. I think that's a marvelous idea.

The girl is in the wedding party as well (who I will refer to as Gal from now on). We went dress shopping, I tried to be sensitive to everyone's budget because everyone has their own financial problems right now, and I realize it is really close to Christmas. We found the dress, everyone liked it, we discussed everyone ordering it last week so that we could make sure it came in on time, and everyone agreed. Only Gal hasn't ordered hers yet. And it makes me want to scream. At her.

The fact is that I am still bitter over the money situation from the vacation. Angry. I'm not over it. I'm not sure I've really forgiven them. And, it's just really made me dislike them. Usually when you dislike someone you don't have to see them, or hang out with them, or anything...you can just separate yourself from them. That is not the case. They are still good friends with M, and I have to see them, and hang out with them, and it makes me roll my eyes and want to make crappy comments everytime I have to.

And I don't want to be like that.

But, the truth is that I feel like this couple didn't see the vacation issue as a big thing. I feel that in their minds it was okay how everything went down. Actually, I take that back, I think they know it was rotten because during the pay back period M only saw Guy if he ran into him some where, it it certainly appeared like they were avoiding us...I'll say because of that they knew it was wrong of them. However, now, since the money has been paid back it has all been swept under the rug and all is okay. Only it isn't. I feel that it was never really discussed because I was so seething angry I couldn't talk to them, and I know that M never passed along my true feelings. He was being the nice guy that he was and tiptoeing around it, trying not to hurt their feelings or cause problems. I never received an apology nor a thank you. It apparently also never occurred to them to ask if that trip caused me to have to pay any interest or caused me any financial problems. It was as though it was something that I should just do for them because their financial situation isn't that great. And, the truth is their financial situation isn't that great because they haven't figured out that they are now grown ass adults and they just need to get it together. I just drives me crazy when people don't try to do anything to improve their situation except whine about it, and act like a victim when in their case I know that there are several very simple things they could do to help themselves.

That is causing a problem for me because I now have two people who I don't even like in my wedding party.

And I have a fear that they are some how going to screw things up and that is going to make me so beyond furious I might punch someone in the head.

I get that it's my wedding and not theirs and therefore not the most important thing in their life right now, and I don't expect it to be. But, if you agree to be part of a wedding then I think you probably know the obligations that will follow. And agreeing means that you agree to those obligations. And if this couple screws up anything about my wedding I don't think that I will even try to hold my tongue.
So...the question is, how do I get over this and learn to like them again? Or at least tolerate them enough that I don't have to claw the palm of my hand with my fingernails to ease frustration. I don't want to constantly worry about what these two people are going to do that could potentially screw up a very important day to me. I need to let that go, and just enjoy.

I don't want to be a bitter angry person who holds grudges, and that's who I am right now.

Cheers!

I need to visit Spatula City...we really don't own a spatula...

Yeah..so I haven't written in almost three months. Whoops. I've been busy. And uninteresting. Well, not that the uninteresting part is new, that's usually the case.
Let me recap with the cliffsnotes versions.

We bought our house. We moved. It's super nice and we're almost unpacked.

We bought a new sofa for said house, and it will be arriving at the end of next month...oh, how I am looking forward to the new sofa. In our new living room. In our new house.

I'm still very grateful that the washer and dryer are reunited, that we have a dishwasher, that there is room for all of our stuff, that we have an awesome front porch, and that there aren't spiders every where. Yay!

We're having the old house appraised tomorrow, and have had three or four people interested in buying it without so much as the aid of a for sale sign. Here's hoping one of them comes through.

We're going to start ring shopping. Yay!

And planning a wedding. Yay!

One of my favorite people in the world passed away. He had recently moved to Florida, which makes the whole situation surreal. And I will miss him dearly.

I tried to ride a bike for the first time in twenty years, almost crashed into my neighbor's car (who I haven't met yet), and could barely walk for the past two days because I pulled a muscle in my knee.

Because of said incident I did not have to travel to The City of Brotherly Love this week. Yay! But I do have to go in two weeks. Boo.

Big Brother stars next month! Yay!

I've accepted that there are a lot of shady things about my job that I do not like, and a lot of other things I do not like, but it is a good job (meaning it pays decent, I have a whole lot of freedom, and my boss stays out of my butt) and I am going to stick it out until they fire me. Or I win the lottery.

And, that's all. Now that all of that is out of the way, perhaps I can start writing again.

Cheers!

I don't have a degree in engineering....

Who would have thought buying a house could be so darn difficult? Not me. At least for the reasons that this particular purchase has been difficult. I thought that finding a property and negotiating a price and even negotiating repairs could be difficult, but we have encountered things I didn't realize could possibly happen.

After we had our inspection there were multiple big problems....broken asbestos in the basement, signs of past termite damage, a bad leak from the downstairs bathroom, some electrical issues, the roof needing to be replaced, loose gutters and a bad foundation without any center supports in a portion of the house. There were a lot of minor things too. We negotiated through this, and the seller was to make repairs on a list of items. We opted to use the contractors that the seller's realtor suggested (I know....I know...). We spoke to them, they explained in great detail how they were going to make some of the repairs...specifically the foundation problems. They used phrases like "jack the area up" and "pour new concrete foundation walls" and "add center support poles"...and it sounded like they knew what they were talking about. The other realtor gave them a rave review...he used them all of the time, they do great work, if they screw him over he wouldn't use them anymore and since he gives them a lot of business he's sure that wouldn't happen.

And he was wrong.

They called to say the work was finished, and were excited...but a touch nervous because it didn't take very long at all. And, Marc and his mom took walks by the house a lot and never saw any work going on. I blew that part off because it was in the evening when most contractors would have been done of for the day. But...we still thought the foundation problem seemed large enough that we should have seen some equipment left behind, or something...but I can't say I've ever seen a project like this take place, so who knows. We opted to have the property reinspected because we know absolutely nothing about the things listed and felt better having our inspector insure us the work was completed correctly.

And it wasn't.

Most of the things were done (although the tone that our inspector used indicated that it wasn't done exactly how he would have done it...). But not everything. A lot of the gutters were still loose, and they failed to replace some rotted gutter boards. Then he got to the foundation.
And this is what they had done to correct the problem...
Now, in case you are construction challenged like I am, and since this is a poor photo let me tell you what that is. That is a stepping stone that was laying outside the entrance to the crawl space (actually holding the entrance to the crawl space closed) that is being used as the foundation to hold an untreated 2x4 in place. That is the center support that they added. And that is all that they did. I'm not positive, but it sort of looks like this added support isn't actually supporting anything structural either, but rather a pipe of some sort. I'm not an expert or anything, but I'm gonna go ahead and say that just aint right.

The situation now is that they are legally obligated to make the repairs to our satisfaction, and they obviously haven't. Our realtor sent the new inspection papers to the other realtor this morning, and they have to have the contractors come back and finish the repairs that they started. They can't refuse because of that legal obligation thing...if they tried to, the other realtor could lose his license...and it could end in a legal battle.

If I were the seller I would be beyond angry if I paid someone money to make repairs and that's what they did. The lazy jerks couldn't even bring their own materials...they just looked around her yard to use things for their crap repair. I would also be willing to bet large sums of money that these fools did not go through the proper steps to safely remove asbestos (covering the area in plastic, securing the area, wearing suits...etc) and simply threw on a mask, dumped the stuff in a trash bag, vacuumed up the dust and took it to the dump. Or just threw it in the seller's trash.

This is beyond frustrating because our closing is in 12 days, and they have to have this completed five days before closing so that we have adequate time to check it again. They're running out of time. And I don't want to pack up all of my belongings if I'm really not moving.

I just want my house...and my big kitchen...and dishwasher...and AC...and big bathrooms...and laundry room...and big front porch...why must these morons screw it up? I'm going to invite them over, because if they see the hoarder like conditions we're living in that haven't been improved by the addition of boxes stacked every where maybe they will feel sorry for us and just do their job.

Counting your chickens....

So....we had our inspection yesterday.

Here are some of the phrases/words that we heard from the inspector...

"Some asbestos in the basement..."
"I'm not sure that area of the house has a foundation"...shortly followed by "It's a brick and rock foundation, and needs to be checked by a contractor for structural stability"...
"Shut off all of the water in the house, something is leaking in the crawl space!"....
"The roof is not in good shape. I'm not even going to walk the entire roof. We need a roofing contractor to take a look at it"....
"There are dead birds in here"...

We'll see what comes of this.

Starting to kiss my giant closet and dishwasher goodbye....

Pictures...pictures...pictures....

Because I am so very excited, here are some pics of our home to be...assuming, of course, that the inspection goes well next week. Of course, I did not take these pictures. I was smart enough to bring my camera, but not smart enough to carry it inside and actually take photos. These are just from the listing. Like you care.

My future big front porch....can't you see my future outdoor sofa there? And flower pots? Without the snow, of course.

I'll start with this pic because when sharing my excitement the other day, I don't know how I forgot about this room because I'm awfully darn excited about it. A laundry room. A place for my washer and dryer to live together. Right now the hook up for the washer and dryer is in our current kitchen, and it's built for a stackable. M never owned a washer and dryer...he just took his clothes to his mom's house (what a man....), I own a full size washer and dryer so there was only space for one of them to move in. And we chose the dryer. It and the washer have been separated a year now, and I think they really miss each other. Jealousy and all of that. I know I miss them being able to live in my house together. And, even better, I will actually have a laundry room instead of the laundry closets I've had in the past. Yes, it apparently doesn't take much to make me happy. Just a washer and dryer. I'm now counting the remaining trips to the laundromat...which I will not miss. Nor will I miss the dirty dreadlock woman who also goes there.

This is the guest bedroom...it's a decent size and has a big walk in closet...although not as big as the master. I'm not adding the master bedroom pic because it really looks just like this one, only reversed. Quilted bedspread and all.

Upstairs bathroom.

The living room/dining room...looking towards the dining area, but you can barely tell that's a table in the background. That thing over to the left...that's my future coat closet. I know you were wondering where it was.

Living/Dining room looking towards the living room. The glass door (actually double doors, but you can't see that well in this pic) in the background leads to the room pictured below.

I think this will be my future office. M thinks it will be his future man room. We'll see. I'm not sure what to call it, they listed it as a bedroom because it has a closet (a big closet...), but it also has the only staircase in the house going upstairs, so not really a feasible bedroom.


Do you see that...? Do you know what that is...? That's my future dishwasher. Hello, dishwasher, I heart you already. And, that other thing is a trash compactor. Do we know how to use that...no.


You'll just have to picture in your mind our black appliances in the room. Or, since you don't know what they look like any black appliances you picture will do. And the future non-green countertop.


That over to the left is my future pantry...or, rather, two future pantries. With roll-out shelves. I'm excited about roll-out shelves.

And that's it.
Our future home. Hopefully.

I see organization in my future...

So...I just ordered a bunch of boxes from Uhaul.com. Why, you ask? Well, you can probably figure out why...but I'll say it any way, we're moving. And why are we moving? Because we bought a house! Yea!

I'm not sure that I can convey how happy about this I am. To have a house with space...and big rooms...and room for all of our stuff will make me feel so happy. Right now we look as though we should be on Hoarders. Okay, not the gross Hoarders where they have piles of rotten food, dead animals and poop laying around...but more the Hoarders where they have stacks of stuff. Because that's how our house looks. We have a path that we can walk around all of the stuff...and that's pretty much it. It has been absolutely driving me crazy that there was so much stuff that could not be put away because there literally is no place to put it. I still have boxes that haven't been unpacked from when I moved in a year ago (yea, that will cut back on packing...) because there was no where to put the items. It was as though the house could never be clean because the stuff was still there. And, it made me not want to clean because I knew it would never achieve a truly clean appearance. But...now we will have BIG rooms and that will be solved.

At least it better be.

Did I mention that MY master bedroom closet is absolutely huge? We were standing inside of it with the realtor. Inside of the closet hung all of the current owners clothes...they also had an open treadmill, a big desk, an open ironing board and a ladder. And a couple more people could have walked in and we still would not have been touching each other. Huge, I tell you, huge. And, if you know me you know I heart a big closet. Although I will not be using it to hold my treadmill or desk...just clothes, shoes and bags.
(No...that isn't my closet...that closet puts my future closet to shame)

The kitchen is soooo nice. Now, I don't really cook a lot, but currently our kitchen is so tiny that it's hard for two people to stand in it. There is about 18" of free countertop space. And not because it's that cluttered, but because it's that small. That makes you not want to cook. I've been getting email recipes from Kraft.com for about a year and feeling sad because I don't feel like there's room to mess with cooking anything. Now there will be. AND there's a dishwasher. I miss a dishwasher. I will not miss piles of dirty dishes because it's Marc's job to wash them and he isn't as on top of it as a dishwasher will be. I heart a dishwasher.

There's also a coat closet. I miss a coat closet. I love coats. I have many coats, but this year I just just left all but two of them in the mess of a storage closet they were in because it was way to much of a pain to climb across all of the junk in the "Man Space", dig around the storage tubs and drag them out. I heart a coat closet.

There's also a big porch...a big covered porch. I'm looking at pictures of outdoor sofas from Crate and Barrel that are so expensive that I would never buy them, but desiring them any way because I want to sit on that porch in a comfy chair and read a book. There's a deck in the back...I can't wait to have a patio table and chairs. And a yard with sun so that we can actually plant flowers. And shrubs. And bushes.

And...and...and...there's a garage. Let me tell you, having a black car that is parked outside and living on a gravel lane is not the ideal situation. You guessed it, I heart a garage.


Even the bathrooms are big. Big enough for two people (or more) to stand in at the same time. Yippee.

But to answer the question from last time...no...we were not shopping for a house then. The house hunt had been put on hold and just recently rekindled. We were shopping for something else...

Now, of course, that has been put on hold...but I won't complain, I'll take the space over the ring. Right now at least.

But McDonald's Fries are GOOD....

So...I'm reading updates of people on Facebook. My friend M's girlfriend commented about her 40 MILE BIKE RIDE. Seriously, I sometimes dread a 40 mile car ride. I don't think I could ride my bike 4 miles. M also started training for some snowboarding race. However, part of the race involves getting to the downhill portion...which means you have to go up...approximately 2 miles climbing up the side of a mountain WHILE CARRYING YOUR EQUIPMENT. He has started running to train for this. Started running. Like he didn't run before and just started. He's doing three mile runs, and logging running for an hour, etc. I don't like to walk on my treadmill for half an hour. I probably couldn't run for 3 minutes. The girlfriend that biked 40 miles, she runs too...I won't even go into her distances and times. Another friend is commenting about her five mile run and now her six mile run, and she enjoys it...like wants to do it...like addicted to it. She's running outside, and let me add she lives in IN...we have SNOW and ICE. I don't want to WALK on it, and she is running in it. It would take large sums of money to get me to go outside and run on snow and ice. Even if I could run, that is.
I'm reading this and realizing that I need to seriously up my workout routine. Like start one. Now.